A NEW BEGINNING......

[Ron S]

Ron - I jest because he had a lot of basses in a lot of pictures on that album! I did appreciate the original answer. 

In fact I bought the reissue which, amusingly, folds out into a crucifix shape (Jesus Of Cool).

Tonight I am playing at a party - setlist includes 'Almost Saturday Night'...

right, great album too. the reissue was done right.. now we need Labour Of Lust.

[Nick Nation]

Anyway, I'm going to dream the New Year in with:- George, Bob, Tweke, Will and Clive

You know Rob, I think I have the answer. And it's a pretty sensible one this time. No, really. I'm just wondering if Jules, with his computer knowledge, could create a Manband computer programme holding all the musical data of each member to enable us to create these fantasy line-ups......you could fade the guitarists of your choice in and out of the mix, adjust drumming from TW (crisp rolls) through BR (tight, soild) to JW (more thump) with a bit of Ray Martinez (tentative in places due to unfamiliarity)....similarly adjust bass from MA (solid thump) through WY (less thump but with more melody) controversially through KW (never quite gelled despite being great) to JM (fretless fills)....a special Dave Edmunds plug-in for the encores.....Oh I could go on.

And Happy New Year to you all....and especially to George and Martin. Best of luck to you both - I always like to think that ultimately music is the winner.
 

[Rob W]

Anyway, I'm going to dream the New Year in with:- George, Bob, Tweke, Will and Clive

You know Rob, I think I have the answer. And it's a pretty sensible one this time. No, really. I'm just wondering if Jules, with his computer knowledge, could create a Manband computer programme holding all the musical data of each member to enable us to create these fantasy line-ups......you could fade the guitarists of your choice in and out of the mix, adjust drumming from TW (crisp rolls) through BR (tight, soild) to JW (more thump) with a bit of Ray Martinez (tentative in places due to unfamiliarity)....similarly adjust bass from MA (solid thump) through WY (less thump but with more melody) controversially through KW (never quite gelled despite being great) to JM (fretless fills)....a special Dave Edmunds plug-in for the encores.....Oh I could go on.

Quite right, Nick. In fact the programme can be based on the Football Manager/FIFA type things with identical looking personnel playing live on stage, and we control the output. We also manage the band, arrange gigs, sort out the contracts, make albums, the list is endless. Come on webmeister, what have you been doing all these years other than modelling ill fitting codpieces. Bloody Rubbish Jules....Gough Out!!

(We could also drive the tour bus Mercedes van, and have Martin Daughton singing songs about Revels and Maltesers non stop from South Wales to the Renfrew piggin' Ferry wherever that may be these days)   

[Nick Nation]

Yes.

With output to DVD. We could all make and record our own virtual reality Man gigs. Apparently there's a new John Cippolina plug in with adjustable ear-splitting treble and untuneability ratio. I always thought cod was bigger.

[Rob the Organ]

Yes.

With output to DVD. We could all make and record our own virtual reality Man gigs. Apparently there's a new John Cippolina plug in with adjustable ear-splitting treble and untuneability ratio. I always thought cod was bigger.

..and a Morley plug-in that transforms the utility for a while then causes complete meltdown!!!

A Ray/Jeff plug in could be developed that restricts the virtual gig from portraying anything other than a short and structured song.

Presumably there would be a minimum requirement of Vista if you wish to run the brass Wurlitzer horns VST?

If the product took more of a game-type route rather than just a virtual gig you could introduce some baddies like Romain, another copper who is confused and thinks everbody is in liege with Baader Meinhof and a sleuth-like Pye Records executive who tries to make the band honour the rest of the contract. "Treasures" to find would be cabbages to eat when pissed, sundry Nepalese Temple Balls and Micky's missing red Gibson ES-335/Deke's original Tele.

[Martin Daughton]

Don't waste your time Jules, just create an applet that automatically sorts these meandering threads into appropriately headed sub-threads and hypnotises some of the wackier contributors and sends them off for a lie down.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Martin Daughton]

(We could also drive the tour bus Mercedes van, and have Martin Daughton singing songs about Revels and Maltesers non stop from South Wales to the Renfrew piggin' Ferry wherever that may be these days)   

Are there any songs about Maltesers?

[Mike Morgan]

I went to Malta once.   Don't recall much about their confectionary but there were lots of dogs, dust and Popeye stuff. And a dead fish chucked away near the hotel.  Bit like the one on the SM cover.  Now that's interesting.

[Rob W]

Are there any songs about Maltesers?

Actually, I'd have that bird from the flake advert. And was it a Magnum advert (the ice cream not the car) who was having the ice cream all seductively like, and bits of ice cream were dribbling down the side of her mouth. Could put that on the reality Man gig whilst the band play Erotica in the background....

[Mike Morgan]

Didn't the one that was in the flake 'bath' advert go on to sharing intimacies with Roger taylor off of Queen?

[Rob W]

We're not having Roger Taylor in the Man Reality band. He can bog off. 10 of him wouldn't make a Bob Richards.

And to kep the pressure on. or maybe to annoy everyone in which case I apologise, George, Bob, Tweke, Will and hopefully Clive. Reality becomes fact.

[Andrew P]

Maltesers? We're missing the obvious here.

"I like to eat Maltesers
'cause they've got no bones"

I'll get me coat...

[Rob the Organ]

Are there any songs about Maltesers?

Actually, I'd have that bird from the flake advert. And was it a Magnum advert (the ice cream not the car) who was having the ice cream all seductively like, and bits of ice cream were dribbling down the side of her mouth. Could put that on the reality Man gig whilst the band play Erotica in the background....

..with the voice of the Caramel bunny tracked over the top of Erotica!

[Nick Nation]

And to kep the pressure on. or maybe to annoy everyone in which case I apologise, George, Bob, Tweke, Will and hopefully Clive. Reality becomes fact.

Well it's a nice idea, Rob....but in the real world even I realise that with Clive and Tweke both being gainfully employed elsewhere they are unlikely to drop that in favour of a comeback gig in front of 20 people in Workington. Not sure about Will. It would be different if the band was regularly gigging and earning....until then, we might have to brace ourselves for the possibilty of new, maybe younger musicians who have similar attributes being added to the Man Family Jungle. That's ok, isn't it?  (yes)

Trouble is, these will be hard to find in this day and age of two-dimensional music (ouch). Fear not, however, I've got a cunning plan. (George and Bob now visibly twitching as the last thing they really need right now is some opinionated smart arse like me who doesn't really know the full story spouting off, not that it's ever stopped me before....)     

I suggest we compile a list of questions for these raw recruits to enable G & B to make their executive decision. How about:

1. Touring. Translate the following: 'Ou est les banane des Clint?' 'Avez vous des Rizlas?'
2. You have style, touch and expressive ability. Are you nevertheless prepared to wear a black beret with red dungarees on stage?
3. Keyboard Players: Are you prepared to be heard in the front-of-house mix? (ouch ouch ouch)
4. How long should a 4 minute song last?

....and even....

5. Do you have feel, technique, control and can improvise at the drop of a hat?

[Nick Nation]

6. Translate: 'Soy la Man tambor. Que es Jazz?'