Right then. When I saw this thread meander onto blummin' Hammond organs, I thought 'oi, sod all that, what am I gonna do about that big b*st*rd on me ceiling'. Anyway, I did sleep on the settee. Bedroom door firmly shut.
Following day, big b*st*rd is still lacquered to the ceiling, not budged. Later in the day, no change. Early evening, still no change. I phoned the current Woolfe 'bird' (it'll never last), and she was coming round later to kill it.
She came round, went into the bedroom, and can't believe it - the b*st*rd's gone! Then out of the corner of my eye, it's put plan B into operation, and unlacqered itself and moved - on the ceiling above my bed, precisely above the pillow where my head would be. I screamed. Lindsey (the bird) hoovered it up using the attachment things whilst I hid in the bathroom, pretending I needed a sh*t, but was just getting out of the way.
So, big b*st*rd spider wasn't lacquered, he'd dug in behind sand bags whilst planning his next move. And now, I daren't use the hoover in case it comes crawling out and kicks my f*ck*n' head in.
Deke Leonard.....think you know how to write a book?.....look and learn
